It is so hard to believe that it has been two years. It feels like just a moment ago that we said goodbye but then it feels like so long ago since we saw your face...
I guess I should clarify. This is Andy, obviously. Jon passed away two years ago today. It was his 35th birthday and also Father's Day. I struggle with that, is June 16th a day that we should celebrate Jon's life or is it a day to mourn his death? We seem to do a fair amount of both.
Anyways...I'm not sure if this blog is for him or for me or for the kids to read later so just bear with me...
Life changes so much in two years. We moved last year out to Crooks. That's right I didn't listen to you. We moved out to a small town with a great community and we have a lot more space inside and outside. The kids weren't sold on the idea but they've grown to love it.
The kids. Oh my how they have grown. Little Jonah was only two when you passed and I know you wondered what he would remember of you. But at age 4, Jonah is a miniature version of you (for now - he's going to catch up to your height one of these days). Jonah absolutely does not like to get out of bed in the morning - he stretches, pulls the covers up over his shoulder and turns to his side just like you did. He still gives the best hugs and has a grin that goes on for miles. Jonah is a boy thru and thru. The farm is his favorite place to be and he wants to be farmer when he grows up. When he can't be there, he loves playing with his farm toys and Legos. Jonah asks questions about you - my favorite was if you were a rock star. I asked him why he thought that and he said because you were always singing and playing music.
When Jonah isn't happy with me, he turns to his big sister Vaeh. Can you believe it but little Vay-Vay turns 9 in a few weeks? She is still our mother hen. She always wants to please everyone and Jonah knows that so he's got her wrapped around his finger. We've had a few talks about how she can't always give him what he wants...and she tries not to give in all the time. Nevaeh is still wanting to be a teacher, she loves to read and just taking care of kids. Nevaeh is still such a sweetheart and has a really great group of friends. Vaeh's tried a few different activities since you've been gone. She decided dance wasn't her thing so she tried softball last summer. This year she decided to do gymnastics. She loved it! And she did Girls on the Run too. She is fast! And she absolutely loved running - and believe it or not but I helped coach too.
Your little Layla is going to be in first grade this fall, she's 6. I'm not sure how that happened - a moment ago she was two, then I looked up after you were gone and she was already four and now kindergarten is already over. Layla is still the enforcer. Not afraid to speak up and put anyone in their place. I love that about her. If you are wrong or being mean, she will be the first to tell you. But she's got such a huge heart. Her giggles are contagious. She still claims to have 'one' stinky foot (don't ask) just like she always did and we have your personal handshake as our bedtime routine. Layla is a whiz at school. She loves her math - addition is so easy for her - and reading and she has a thing for card games. Believe it or not, even though they are two years apart Layla and Jonah are basically the same size right now. People have commented on how cute my twins are - which just makes Layla mad so she quickly tells them just how much older she is than Jonah.
Last but not least, Alivia. She's 10 going on 11 going on 15. Middle school starts this fall. She's going to be in 6th grade. You would be so proud of her. She's becoming her own person. She doesn't follow the crowd. She doesn't have a ton of friends but the ones she has - those are the real ones she needs. She stands up for herself and for her friends to the girls who are mean at school. She still loves to sing with the children's choir at church and joined band as a clarinet player last year. She's really good at it too. Liv played basketball this past year and tried volleyball too. But when forced to pick what she wanted to do - because of Wednesday night practices - she chose choir and I was proud of her for it. She just spent a week away at Shetek Lutheran Bible Camp where I went growing up. In addition to that Liv and Vaeh joined Destination Imagination this year. Its opened up a world of different ways for them to approach things. In fact, helping cancer patients was their service project.
Your babies are amazing. They push me to try new things. I coached DI this year and ran Girls on the Run with Vaeh. Remember that deal we made after Livvy was born - you would take care of the outside stuff and I would take care of the inside. What was I thinking? I love being outside. I don't necessarily love mowing but it allows me to clear my head. We even planted a garden this year...and I have no clue what I'm doing with it, but the kids are in charge of watering it. So far so good. I also plan on spending many hours reading on the deck.
I know you know this, but we lost your Zoe this winter. We were devastated. She was such a good dog. She never did sleep in our bed again after you were gone. She always checked on the kids before bed, but she slept with Layla once we moved to the new house.
Those first days, weeks after you were gone were so hard. The first week was a blur. But I'm so grateful that I had our babies. They forced me to get up every morning and get moving. I had to go back to work shortly after you were gone. Surprisingly I'm grateful for that too. There's nothing like a bunch of friends waiting to see you that can distract from the pain. I couldn't imagine having sat at home doing nothing for weeks. Nights were rough for quite awhile and still are sometimes - like tonight, but I have Reina all cuddled in to me (she knows when I need her) and her new brother Taz right next to me.
We are doing wonderfully. We miss you. Of course we miss you. There are tears shed at bedtime for you and when the babies have owies. There are many moments when I wish you were here to be my sounding board and voice of reason. There are happy moments too. Lots of happy moments that we want to share with you.
We went to Disney World this year. Just me and them. And no, I'm not nuts. I had the most relaxing vacation. Between the giggles and squeals of joy and the drenched thru to the underwear moment on River Rapids, when your daughter looks at me and says dad would have loved this. I know you are here with us in every smile, every tear, every time I see a rainbow or the first star in the sky at night you are in our thoughts. But I promised you that we would be okay and we are okay.
I love you baby.
