Monday, December 31, 2012

AML: Painkillers

I am starting to get some of my focus back.  If it holds I'll be writing more then I have been.

I've been struggling with appetite issues (I have no desire to eat), my gigantic cold sore is healing nicely now, but there were some very uncomfortable nights.  I have also been battling frequent headaches. 

As a result of the pain\discomfort, I've been going through a variety of pain med options.  Oxy-IR (Oxycodone) doesn't seem to work anymore.  Norco (Oxy & Tylenol) never seemed to work.  As it is now, a pain killer called dilaudid is the only thing that has been working.  Problem is it is rather short lived (45 min).  I can only take the dilaudid every 4 hours.  And I have been taking it pretty regularly. 

I am told I am not taking a high enough dose or getting it frequent enough to develop an addition to it. I do have a much better understanding of how someone could become addicted to prescription pain killers.  From my viewpoint, an escape, no matter how little, is very welcome.  After spending so much time being poked, prodded, tested, confined, and so on, it seems perfectly justified to want to take the edge off.  I can't order up a drink after all.  Instead, the initial rush when getting IV-dilaudid has become something I look forward to and it does help with the headaches.  

I started asking questions about my other pain relief options since a few of my current ones are no longer effective. The pain group here offered a Fentanyl pain patch, but that just seemed over kill.  I am surprised at how quick they were willing to go that way, I declined.  It's out of my comfort zone.  We'll focus on the oral meds for the time being. 

For the moment the headaches are minor and I am feeling ok otherwise.  I just need some improvement in appetite.  Let's hope 2013 treats the Grann clan a little better then 2012. 



Friday, December 28, 2012

AML: Christmas 2012

I haven't been writing much because I've lacked the focus to do so.  I am on lots of meds and my mind is a bit groggy most of the time.   It looks like I have a few more weeks in here until I recover. 

I am very happy to say that I got out for a few hours on Christmas Eve to have supper and open presents with the kids.  It was a good night.  They didn't let me out on Christmas however so it has been kind of a mess of a holiday. 

Treatment-wise things are progressing as they should.  My counts are bottomed out and there is no cancer in my blood.  I had some scans to determine why I was running fevers and not feeling well.  They felt there was some infection in my lungs at some point but the meds I am on should take care of it.   I am getting platelets an red blood when I need them. 

We decided not to do neupogen shots again.  The thinking is I don't want to jump start any leukemia before my immune system is back in shape to fight it. 

Really we're just in our routine of taking meds and waiting for things to get better.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

AML: Back in the hospital again.

So I was released from the hospital last Wednesday with he hope that I was going to be home for Christmas.  Unfortunately after about a day the nausea set in.  Long story short, I was pretty miserable.  I dehydrated quickly and could barely get around.  Night time was especially bad as I'd spend most of it throwing up. 

We tried outpatient on Saturday to get me some fluids and nausea meds. I could tell right away that it didn't help so I had myself readmitted to the hospital.  I am already feeling much better. 

I have been running low grade fevers, so they put me on broad antibiotics.  They are running blood cultures to see if there is anything there.  I am getting platelets now. 

The good news is I'll have a pass for Christmas eve.  As long as I am doing ok, I'll be able to go home for a few hours on Christmas eve and maybe Christmas day to celebrate with the family. 
Merry Christmas everyone.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

AML: Home again

Very short message this time.  Nothing witty or overly awesome to say.  I am headed home tonight.  Visitors still welcome. 

Relieved and happy to be headed home.  Crossing fingers for a "healthy" Christmas. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

AML: Update - Mostly quiet here

So I have been a little preoccupied with finishing some Christmas things which have kept me from writing.  Each year we use Shutterfly.com to create photobooks.  We have done this ever since Alivia was born.   I suppose that makes this the 8th installment. 

We give these books to family members as part of their Christmas presents.  They go over very well, but can be a lot of work to sort through all the pictures.  I managed to get them done and ordered last night.  So now what to do with my time?

It has been suggested that I might be getting out today.  Unfortunately, my doctor does rounds very late on Mondays.  So I sit and wait, somewhat impatiently. 

This round of chemo (Decogen) was pretty easy to handle.  No ill effects from the actual chemo.  My counts have stayed pretty consistent so far.   WBC hovers around .2 or .3 which is what it was when I came in.  Platelets are hovering about 16.  I've had to get red blood a few times. 

I had what started as a mild cold sore a few weeks ago (They have always been a problem since I was little).  Unfortunately, with no immune system or much healing ability this little guy made a big impression.  As it is now, it is healing, but it is painful.  I am generally getting a mix of Ativan, Oxy-IR and morphine in order to just fall asleep at night.  I am quite self conscious of it and am frustrated it will probably linger through Christmas and Christmas photos. 

They did modify my meds a bit.  I mentioned a bit back that they stopped all immune suppressants and steroids.  My meds now are mainly to boost my immune system.  Levequin (antibiotic),  Noxafil (antifungal) and Aciclovir (Antiviral).  In fact they have me on 20 of just the Aciclovir pills each day. 

I feel good though.  Things are squared away it seems.  I should be out today and hopefully things hold through the holiday.  We'll sort the rest out from there.  I just want to focus on Christmas and family now and making a few memories. 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Looking back: Visitors on the farm

With not much new on the AML front, I figured I's reminisce again. 

I've mentioned in prior posts that I grew up on a farm with Grandpa (Dick) and Grandma (Carol)Grann right next door.  Now since they were closest, they were always just Grandpa and Grandma.   You know...the default Grandparents. 

There were are a lot of advantages to having them so close.  My sister and I are way better off for it.  There really is so much to say about these two.  I'll have to do more posts later to do it justice.   But here are some quick facts about G&G. 

Grandpa was in the FBI (under J Edger Hoover) for a very brief time.  Grandma was born with one arm (It was always easy to miss the way she carried herself).  Grandpa had severe rheumatoid arthritis for as long I can recall.  They lived in the tiny farmhouse house I would eventually grow up in and raised 3 boys.  In 1981 they moved the large house on the farm (purchased from Mike Waldner) from Carpenter to where it is today.  Grandpa loved farming.  Grandma love family history.  Grandma like to cook, Grandpa loved to eat. Christmas always meant Christmas Eve on the farm at their house. 

Jessica and I also benefited from having them so close because of the extremely large extended family (nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, cousins) that would stop in to visit often.  For me, exposure to such a close extended family is the foundation of why family is so important.  Again, our extended family is a topic I could go on and on about, someday I may. 

The rest of this post will focus on friends, 2 specific friends of G&G that are a very special to us to this day.  Backstory:  When Grandpa and Grandma were exploring treatment options for his arthritis, they met (through extended family) a couple in Kansas City with family ties to the Carpenter area; Gene and Lena A.

I recall Grandpa and Grandma heading to Kansas City fairly often to try different treatments and they always would stay with Gene and Lena.  Later on Gene and Lena would come to visit us on the farm.  Jessica and I were probably 5 and 8 respectively when they first started coming (just a guess).   Visits from Gene and Lena were very exciting times. 

There always seemed to be gifts and showered on tons of attention on the two of us kids.  The highlight would end up being the groceries they would bring out.  I have come to understand that Gene just loved how much Jessica and I enjoyed fruit. Goodness, they would bring plenty.  It's pretty easy to endear someone that spoils you rotten like they did Jessica and I. 

Gene and Lena moved back to South Dakota some time ago. we managed to all catch up a few years back when Grandpa was staying with Andy and I for a few days. That was at least 2 kids ago.    It was a good day.  Especially since I managed to get the check before Gene.  Unfortunately Gene passed in recent years. 

With our family reunion on the east side of SD this year, it was a highlight to see Lena pop into our family reunion this year.  It made me think of something else I picked up from Grandma and Grandpa:  This world is full of special people who become very special friends that are just as important as family.  In fact, they become family.  Gene and Lena were some of these special people. 

I have thought back fondly to these visits on many occasions but have done a poor job of staying in touch.  I have other family to thank for (Jan & Paul... Thanks!!!) for passing along my blog posts and helping me keep contact with Lena. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

AML: Relapse again...

I don't suppose I should even count this as another relapse.  Since I was barely out of the hospital for 3 weeks. 

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving then shortly after I started feeling poor again.  My appetite was poor, almost non existent.  Labs were also all over the place.  We started the Neupogen shots I mentioned in a prior post in order to try to resolve things.  My white count climbed quickly like it should have but hemoglobin and platelets kept falling. 

Bone marrow biopsy on Monday and they had me back in Sanford hospital on Tuesday (Yesterday) already.  I haven't got the pathology report yet so I don't have a lot of details on what was found. 

We are doing chemo again.  This time it is called Dacogen.  It's a lighter grade chemo which is generally tolerated a little better then most of the chemo's I have had.  Then again, I have tolerated chemo well.  Plan is to still get me squared away and then back to Mayo for a consult. 

They have stopped all immune-suppressants that I have been on since the transplant.  The theory is that this might help my immune system fight the Leukemia.  We'll wait and see.

I am feeling much better after just a day.  I'll be out for Christmas... Dr. promised.   So if nothing else, At least I've got a few nights in my exclusive\all-inclusive home away from home.  I am ok with that for now. 

Visitors welcome.  preference is that you shoot me an email (Grannjo@gmail.com) or text when you might be stopping by, but not mandatory. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

AML: Another Long Week

So a week ago with was feeling pretty well, but my White counts were not recovering as they should.  We started the Neupogen shots with the intent of jumpstarting my white count. It worked.  My white count went from .2 to over 2.0. 

However, I have once again lost my appetite and am having stomach and energy issues,  My blood work on Wed indicated my platelets and hemoglobin had dropped off significantly.  Since I was also struggling with energy, (I could barely walk 50 feet before having to sit down and catch my breath) they set me up for a blood infusion on Thursday.

The transfusion took about 6 hours.  I felt much better right away.  Unfortunately, my doctor called me today and said my platelets were low.  So we will be infusing platelets tomorrow (Sat).  I don't show any cancer in the blood, but they want to do another bone marrow on Monday.  So that is the plan for now.  The fact that all my counts have struggled to rise is of great concern.   It is unusual.  Unusual is not good; I like the familiar.

Because of the way I have felt, I missed both girls (Liv and Vaeh) school concerts.  Their church concert and Alivia's first basketball game.  It's great to be home, but frustrating to not be able to participate. 

We had some great help this week.  Brent, Tom, Ira and Andy, of course, all hung out with me various days to help me feel better.  Brent and Tom got the worst of it.    Clark, Natosha and the family kept me company and the kids fed one evening.  Then Stacy once again took Liv to her basketball practice.  We really appreciate the help even though I am home, I have not been able to do much. 

Last Christmas time Alivia really wanted Christmas lights.  I promised her we'd have lights next year.  Our angel, Stacy, once again helped here and had a bunch of friends come over this week and hang lights.  Liv was so excited to have her Christmas lights. 

I am most worried that the bone marrow results will mean we start chemo again right away, which would mean Christmas in the hospital.   I don't think anyone anywhere will have a pill that will make  me feel good about that. 

Friday, November 30, 2012

AML: Neupogen & Time for some shots...

Am I a "glass half full" or a "glass half empty" guy?  

Who cares... Drink it!

So, 5 weeks after my chemo, my white count still refuses to recover.  I've still been hovering at .2 WBC and an ANC of 50 +/-. 

I'm on Levoquin (antibiotic) and a bunch of other meds which should be helping to keep infection away.  I still avoid large groups and as a result have missed Alivia's and Nevaeh's school concerts.  Tomorrow is Alivia's first basketball game.  I really don't want to miss it.  (I'm not going to)

I've been doing blood work 3 times a week.  Hemoglobin and platelets are rising fine, which means no transfusions.  I think my hemoglobin was the first to rise, which is a little odd.  Usually I see the platelets and white blood rise first. I really don't have an explanation and have not been provided one. 

Last Wednesday when I had my last Dr. appointment, I asked about Neupogen shots.  These shots boost white cell growth.  I've only done the shots once before back when I was finishing my sixth (and at that time, "last") round of chemo, prior to my first relapse.  I was trying to get out before the 4th of July and needed to speed things up.  The shots worked quite well back then.  So since we've been hovering for about two weeks, I asked the doctor if we were to a point where we'd start the shots. 

He always loves when I suggest treatment options.  Since I have spent enough time in a hospital, I think I have this part down.  He agreed to the Neupogen shots.  The plan was to start them Friday (today) if my counts still had not improved.  Well, my labs didn't improve today and they called me back in for the shots.

Cool thing is since the doctors and nurses at Sanford appreciate my skills, they are going to have me administer the shots myself at home.  The shots (to the right) go right in my belly.  Through all this, this is the first time I've had to administer injections to myself.  I am thankful once again that we chose the insurance option (Sanford Insurance plan) we did.  Getting the $10,000 (for 5 shots) medication approved by insurance was easy once again. My copay...$20.  We'd be in a world of hurt if not for our insurance. 

I am a little nervous about the Neupogen.  There is one school of thinking that suggest that jumpstarting the system with these shots may also trigger growth of leukemia cells if there are some hiding somewhere.  Right now, the risk of infection was getting to great. 

So I took my first shot (self administered) at about 2:30 this afternoon.  I am already feeling the shots at work.  I get a throbbing bone\muscle "pain" when the shots start doing their thing.   I feel it in my back now.  It is minor at the moment, but I am remembering it was a bit intense a few days in last time.  The minor discomfort is easy enough to handle considering the "happy pill" options I have.  They tell me not to mix my pain meds with alcohol, but a Diet Mtn Dew combo does a nice job. 

Other side effects?  We'll it's either making me a little warm, or I am starting to run a fever.  considering I have not had chills, I think it is the shots at work.  I'll avoid Tylenol for now since I don't want to mask a fever if I have one.  I have to go to the ER if I run a fever of 100.5.  So it doesn't take much. I am 80% sure it is just the side effects of the shot.  

Might be an interesting night...

Monday, November 26, 2012

AML: Counts - Going nowhere

So my counts, at least my white blood counts and ANC are not recovering like they usually do. 

I've been stuck with a WBC of .1 or .2 for over a week.  Since ANC is directly related, it had been hovering around 50 +/-.   Friday my ANC was 72, today (Monday) it is 54.   When it is this low it basically means it has not changed.  Still, I don't have to do blood work again until Wed. 

The typical recovery for me is a steady gain.  Usually by day 31 after chemo my ANC is well over 500 and then it goes fast from there.  I have no clue as to why it is slower this time.  Perhaps it is the different chemo I had this time.  Maybe this is the "new normal" after the transplant. 

I suppose the transplant theory makes the most sense.  After all it would be my donor cells recovering and not my original cells.  At least I hope none of my original marrow cells make an appearance.  I hoping we do another chimerism study my next trip to Mayo.  It would be great news if my old immune system finally gave up and let the donor ones take over. 

I am feeling better and getting stronger, slowly.  So assuming my counts recover in about two weeks.  I'm expecting a trip to Mayo in mid December or right before Christmas.  My intent was to sort out my treatment options before returning to work.  We will see. Really, all the plans hinge on getting my ANC back to 1500. 

The longer I am stuck where I am at, the more nervous I get about infections.  In the meantime, house arrest continues.  Believe me, I am good with that, but still a little restless.  Visitors still welcome.  Text or email me and I'll let you know where I can be found. 

In other news... it seems my fantasy team "Wonderboy" will once again pull out an upset win.  This time over the #1 ranked team in the league.  Unfortunately, this puts me only at 6-6 on the season.  I believe my playoff prospects to be very bleak.  It was a rebuilding year anyway.  Much like the Colts who rallied around their AML stricken coach this season, I am proud of how my boys represented. 


Sunday, November 25, 2012

AML: Update - Adjusting

So I posted briefly on Tuesday night that I was on my way home.  My brother-in-law Brent came to hospital and picked me up. Since there was no school on Wednesday, the kids got to stay up a little later. I got home just as kids were getting ready for bed.   They were waiting for me on the stairs. 

These homecomings are great.  The interesting thing is that every time I come home, even though I am extremely happy to be here, there is always a bit of apprehension about being away from the "safety" of the hospital.  Maybe it has to do with the switching of routines, the increase in activity, or maybe it is all in my head.   Perhaps it's a combination.  I am not sure if others with extended hospital stays experience the same thing when they adjust to being home.

Especially for the first few days, I have moments of only what I can call anxiety. If I manage to keep myself occupied, it is less frequent.  A lot of times I just feel strange, discomfort in my muscles, a little extra shaky or maybe I can tell my heart is racing, even when resting.  It bothered me a lot after my first few times leaving the hospital, but I know it will generally pass quickly now.  If it doesn't I generally take a shower\bath which seems to help a lot. 

During this adjustment period, I also tend to be sensitive to the chaos that occasionally happens at home (4 kids, 2 dogs, me and only 1 Andy to take care of them all).  I find myself sensitive to loudness, unable to focus on multiple things and it takes longer to switch tasks.  All this is quite unusual for a multi-tasker like myself. 

The other issue is that at the moment, I think most would look at me and say that they would not even know I was dealing with AML again.  So it becomes pretty easy for others to forget that there is still a significant amount of recovery to happen.  It's especially difficult for the kids.  The biggest issue is how much strength I have lost and how quickly I tire.  I can generally handle a day's activity but in short bursts.  Longer if I can manage activities off my feet.  Ex: cooking for Thanksgiving this year. 

I think other often worry about getting sick at home.  It's a concern, I guess, but I generally don't worry much about getting sick from my kids or from going out.  Perhaps I should, but we've done this for 2 years and other then a little head cold here and there, I have not really had issues.  To be honest I am not really all the careful about it either.  I know others who are much more careful, who have had more issues. 

This time is a little different.  Remember my absolute neutrophil count (ANC), usually is at 500 before I get out of the hospital. This relates to my immune system and ability to fight infection. 1500 is the point where you can generally fight off infections on your own.  When I left on Tuesday, mine was at 12.  (Not 1200, just 12). 

So in 1 microliter (1 cubic millimeter), a normal person will have 5-6 million cells.  Most of those are red blood cells.  In that same microliter, a normal person should have 4,000 - 11,000 white blood cells and 150,000 - 400,000 platelets.  As of Friday, 1 microliter of my blood had 200 white blood cells, 88,000 platelets and an ANC of 78.  White blood count and ANC are directly related.  So...In a sample that is normally over 5 million cells they could only find 78 cells that I need to fight infection.

So back to the point... I am a little more careful at the moment.  I didn't go out shopping with the old man on Friday (Black Friday).  It would have been just to easy to catch something with that many people out, and I would have needed to sit frequently. Other then going out for daily labs, I will probably avoid most crowds until my count is above 500.  I will not return to work until I find out from Mayo what my treatment plan will be.  That will take a few weeks yet since I still haven't technically recovered from my chemo this round. 

I am still adjusting at home.  Thursday (Thanksgiving) was a big, wonderful day.  Days will be quiet this week (I am home alone), evenings very busy.  We'll see where my counts are in the morning.  That will dictate how involved I will be with everything.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Pass the Weed please...

I grew up around social drinking.  I suppose that is why I've always had a casual attitude toward adult beverages.   I'd say that observing my parents and their friends consuming in what was usually a "responsible" manner has been why I approach alcohol the way I do.  That is, I enjoy the beverages and the social lubricant, but I know where to draw the line. I already consider myself too old to have to deal with the ill effects of overconsumption.

Oh sure, there are the occasions where binge drinking got the best of me.  I'd like to think that the occasions for me were far less frequent then your average college experienced individual.  I recently posted about some of my food interests.  I've think that one can have some pretty unique experiences around drinks as well. I am referring to the drinks themselves and not the experiences around consuming too many of them.  Most of those stories won't be shared here. 

So craving all things adult beverage themed and currently denied access to them, I'll share a few more of my favorite things...

In college, my tastes were not all that sophisticated.  Beer, beer and more beer.  If there is a lesson here it is this:  I was 6'4" 165 pounds when he graduated high school.  Graduating from college 5 years later (I was a double major), I tipped the scales at a solid 245. I guess there were a fair amount of empty calories consumed.  Mr Busch and bartender Brian @ Brenda's corner bar in Wentworth had a fair amount to do with that. 

Keeping on the beer theme, Coors Light is my preference for your basic beer.  Boulevard Wheat is my go to.  When traveling I generally look for something local or regional.  I have had a lot of really good beers this way.  I don't like dark, stout beers.  My favorite, hands down if I can find it is Boddingtons.  It's got to be on tap though; the canned version is not the same.


My first experience with Boddingtons was when I was working in LA on when of my first projects for Daktronics.  It's a golden beer, really hoppy and a bit bitter, but really thick and creamy.  I like the creaminess and if I can find it on tap, which is not often, I am a happy camper. Drinks on me if anyone can tell me where I can get it on tap in Sioux Falls. 

Before I move on from beer, I'll share another story. I have met many great people in my travels for work.  Many that have come to consider friends first, customers second. One such person is Craig W. who works for the St. Louis Cardinals. We tend to cross paths a couple of times a year and it is always a good time. Back when I was first diagnosed with AML, we received all kinds of gifts and care packages. All of them were greatly appreciated, but Craig's care package stands out. Craig, knowing just what would cheer me up sent me a 4 pack of Dragon's Milk from New Holland Brewery in Michigan.

It is a dark beer which is aged in oak barrels (according to the label).  Though I don't care for dark stout beers, in this case the color is coming from the aging process, so it is different from stout beers.  But I am getting ahead of myself, I didn't come to learn the details of this beer until later.  It was New Years Eve on 2010.  We were at the farm and I was finally feeling good enough to have a drink.  I had been patiently waiting for the occasion for a while so I was eager to get to it.

It was the most unique beer I have ever tried.  Since it was aged in oak it had this whiskey\bourbon taste to it.  It was not what I expected in a beer but really easy to get used to.  I was enjoying, but I only got about halfway through the first bottle and realized this beer was hitting me hard.  At first I chalked it up to the fact that it was my first drink in a very long time; then I looked at the label.  Turns out that Dragon's Milk is 20 proof (10% alcohol).  Considering the alcohol level and I was extremely out of practice, it was certainly going to have a bit more of an impact then the 4% I was generally used to. 

When I started writing this I didn't realize I'd have so much to say about beer. I'm not into wine that much. I really only like whites and sweet reds, so that's all I comment about wine.  I've still got liquor to talk about.  Gin and tonic has typically been my go to drink, though I have never made one for myself.  I've never really gotten into the various Canadian whiskey's that my Dad prefers.

Once again, I can credit my travels for allowing me to become more cultured in all things intoxicating.  I gave Kentucky bourbon a go in Louisville, definitely not my thing.  I've survived the fruity Hurricanes on Bourbon street in New Orleans (barely).  I have a fondness for Saki; both hot and cold.  I'll credit a coworker (Mark E.) for introducing me to Saki and another coworker (Rich H.) for refining my taste.  I like saki.  I have an unnatural craving for the mojitos I first had in vacation in Mexico.

But now we circle back around to Craig.  It was he who introduced me to Jeremiah Weed, a sweet tea flavored vodka.  If I recall correctly we were both in KC at the time.  I enjoy "real" sweet tea when traveling in the south and order it whenever I can.  Craig ordered his drink, a "Weed and Lemonade".  It sounded tasty.  Since Craig has never led me astray...  I followed suit.  At this particular moment, I am wondering if the nurses can just add a constant drip to my IVs.  I am eagerly anticipating my next Weed & Lemonade

I hope people (my kids) don't get the wrong impression when reading this.  Drinking responsibly is extremely important, not just a tagline.  My parents were excellent examples and they made sure I knew the dangers as I got older.  I know people who struggle with various addictions , alcoholism being among them.  My liver and I have not always been on the same page, especially with all this chemo. 

When the time comes, I do enjoy my adult beverages because they are best enjoyed with friends and family.  Through all the college events, family\friend gatherings, post-hunt festivities and what I often get to call "work", enjoying with good family and friends is what it's always about. 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Looking Back: He's writing about food again...

Yes it's another post about food.  Everyone likes food right?

Maybe it's the popularity of food shows on my limited selection of TV channels right now.  It could be that Thanksgiving is 2 days away and we have been planning a big meal.  Perhaps it is that as good as the food is at Sanford, it's still hospital food. 

Regardless, I'm inspired by a few comments to my "Hotdogs in my pancakes" post to write a bit more about food and my food influences growing up. 

First, I'll start with my mom.  I gave her a hard time about enabling my pickiness, but mom is a great cook.  There are all kinds of things I had growing up that are "comfort foods" as I think of them now.  Believe me, these last few years have required more then a few of these comfort meals.   She put together a family cookbook that has most of these favorites and like most good recipes, they are more of a general set of assembly instructions and less a step by step guide.  It's definitely one of my favorite gifts. 

Mom's pizza, pizza hotdish, hamburger hotdish, lasagna, grilled ham & cheese are favorites.  Even things she credit to me know, onion rings and french toast, really come from her.  I really don't make them any differently then she did.  I'd like to think that I've enlightened her on seasoning, but that's about all I've really contributed.  It has to be mentioned, that mom is a amazing baker. 

I remember her participating in cake decorating contests (State Fair) when I was growing up.  Back before decorating cakes got you your own TV show.  She made all our birthday cakes growing up.  Then there are the cookies.  Family favorites are the oatmeal\chocolate chip (a family recipe) and pineapple cookies (There are a few days before Thanksgiving.. hint, hint).  Pies...so many pies.  Cherry, apple, sour cream raisin (dad's favorite), cherry, banana cream, cherry. (Brent likes cherry pie so it tends to come up quite often now). 

Anyone care to guess what has two thumbs and purple ribbons for baked goods at the State Fair?  That's right... it's this guy.  (I'm not bad with needlepoint and counter cross-stich either, but that's a whole different story.)  I may have never shown livestock ( was in 4-H) or any manly things like that, but I've got my fair amount of recognition for my early baking skills.  Gingersnap cookies, as I recall were among my prize winners.  Lots of great memories cooking with ma. 

Then there is Grandma (Carol).  If I have an angel looking down on me from above it is her.  Grandma and Grandpa lived on the same farm.  I was wonderful to grow up with them so close.  There were a lot of great meals, but I remember most the large holiday meals and special items she created.  All the major holidays were first and for a long time traditionally celebrated at the farm. 

There were always the staples: turkey for Thanksgiving, oyster stew for Christmas, ham on Easter.  Almost every one of those would have Grandma up early in the morning punching down the dough for the fresh buns. (Usually at the behest of Uncle Mike or Dad.) Our family cranberry sauce we make every Thanksgiving is her recipe.  It was a big deal for Jessica and I to be there to help make it.  I enjoyed the sauce more, so maybe it was a bigger deal for me.  The dressing and pretty much every recipe I associate with any of the traditional holiday meals (exception: Aunt Rogene's ham balls) comes from her. 

Admittedly there is one Grann standby that has never been a favorite of mine...potato cakes.  It seemed these most often showed up when Uncle Mike was around.  While Grandma was a fabulous fryer of chicken, pork chops and even pancakes, my stomach turned when I walked in the house and smelled the potatoes frying.  I only miss the potato cakes because it means she is not here to make them.  I take it back... a potato cake sounds pretty good about now. 

Goodness, I almost forgot about the black cherry Jello with bananas and whipped topping that Grandma had at every Christmas Eve meal.  She made it specifically for Jeremy G. every year.  Until that one year she felt he didn't have enough.  "What's the matter, don't you like it?" became the running joke for the family, but it was the last year it made the table. 

It was a truly special occasion when Grandpa and Grandma made donuts.  Grandma would make them, Grandpa would fry them.  For all the work, they never lasted long.  After Grandma passed Grandpa and I fried donuts a few times.  We did good, but it wasn't the same.  Frying donuts with Grandpa is one of my favorite memories. 

There are two other individuals that I want to mention that influenced my enjoyment of food and cooking. 


My apologies to everyone else and all the great food they prepare (Especially Tom C. and his peanut clusters), but the single thing I look forward to at Christmas (year round really) is Aunt Kathy's sugar cookies.  Anyone that has had them is nodding in agreement now and smiling.  Whatever the family event was, Aunt Kathy had a pan of delicious bars (peanut, chocolate chip),  but the sugar cookies... oh the sugar cookies.  I sure hopes she reads this...

Lastly, I can't make a large meal without thinking of Lee Tiger.  Lee falls into that extended family category.  He's responsible for making mass quantities for tasty food.  He's catered various family events and they are always excellent (with tons of leftovers).  I remember Lee's cooking from a young age and I suppose he's one of the first examples I have of a dude making some really good food. 

Really, I suppose I could go on and on.  My style of cooking is basically based on these examples.  I suppose some of my favorite things to cook could be a post for another time.   For now, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and preparing a meal with Andy and the rest of my family.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

AML: Surprise , Surprise, Surprise...

Inspired by the final line of Aladdin (yes, the Disney film.. just go with it.)

"I'm outta here! Bubye you crazy doctors. Hey Nurse Ladies, chiao! I'm history! No, I'm oncology! I don't care what I am! I'm Freeeeee!!!"

Yes, that right.  I am headed home in about 10 min.  Turns out I am too high maintenance and they are booting me out of here..if they ever finish the paperwork.  j/k

As long as I stay free of infection.  I'll not be back for a while.  Except for the daily blood work.  Better then the alternative.

So appreciative of all the visitors this time.  You can still come for a visit, just the location is different. 

AML: Biopsy Results

So good news on my bone marrow biopsy.  It indicated I am in remission.  Certainly good news, but was what I expected.  Andy is a little upset that I am not more excited at the results.  As far as I am concerned getting back to remission is the easy part. 

I don't know yet when I will return to Mayo.  My counts have to recover and at the moment I can only describe them as teasing me.  3 days ago I had an ANC of 34, which is nothing to write home about, but it's something.  The following day it was 8 and now it is back to 0.  My platelets are recovering slowly on their own.  

I expect I'll get a hemoglobin transfusion tomorrow.  Hemoglobin is the last thing to recover so needing a transfusion, even when my counts are recovering, is normal.   I'll be getting out of here sometime on Wednesday so I can celebrate Thanksgiving with the family.   The doctor has already taken me off all IV meds in preparation for letting me out. 

Since I don't know when I'll be headed back to Mayo, I have no idea what my treatment plan is right now.  So, I won't worry about it.  We have a big Thanksgiving planned.  Andy wanted to cook!  My cousin Bre is visiting on Saturday.   Plus Dad and I have a little shopping to do.  I'll just treat that as a teaser for now...  I'll have more to tell on what Grann Sr. and Jr. are up to later.

It's a good day...

Monday, November 19, 2012

Looking Back: Hotdogs in my pancakes

I was a very picky eater growing up.  It probably bordered on the unreasonable for ma, but let's be honest, she enabled it.  At one point it was so bad I would not eat pizza since it had tomato sauce.  I'm not sure what our general diet consisted of when I was little, but because of my pickiness, I bet it was a lot of buttered noodles.  To this day I don't eat fresh tomato's and I detest catsup.

Nowadays, I'll eat about anything that is put in front of me.  I've traveled around the country a fair amount for work and have had the opportunity to sample all kinds of great food.  Here are a few standouts:
  • I am fond of Kansas City because of the BBQ.  Preference: Arthur Bryant's (pictured), Jack Stack, OK Joes, Gates in that order.  Burnt Ends, Pulled Pork, Brisket, Ribs in that order. 
  • I enjoy Cajun\Creole food that I first had in New Orleans.  Especially grilled alligator, crawfish and gumbo.  I think the most expensive meal I ever had was a seafood stew at Emeril's restaurant Nola.  It was phenomenal.  
  • Chicago dogs from Chicago, of course. 
  • Philly steak sandwiches from Philly.  Provolone...not whiz
  • Blackened Grouper sandwiches in Tampa\Clearwater (Frenchy's Rockaway Grill)
  • Raw\on the half-shell oysters & clams I first had Boston (picture).  Not to mention the lobster rolls and clam chowder.
  • Sushi about anywhere I can get it.   Eel, Salmon, and roe are among my favorites.  Warm saki required.  I like saki! 
  • Real home cooked Mexican food cooked by Alex's Mom.  (Alex and Andrea recently moved to SF and are good friends of Andy & I)\
  • The first time I had lamb was in Germany.  Sitting outside in a small restaurant overlooking the Rhine (pictured). No idea the name of the place. The rack of lamb I had here was hands down the best thing I have ever eaten.
  • Duck @ Spezia in Sioux Falls.  One of the best places to eat in Sioux Falls, I bounce between the lamb and the duck.
  • Buffalo Sirloin steak from Wild Sage Grill in Sioux Falls.  I like buffalo burgers, but a buffalo steak is a special treat. 
  • Goat curry @ Bombay Palace in downtown Minneapolis.  Spicy and...interesting
  • Kalua pig in Hawaii.  This one had more to do with the location then the pig.
  • Grilled trigger fish and barracuda ceviche on the Rivera Maya in Mexico.  We caught the fish.  Boat crew cooked it.  Best seafood I have ever had. 
Listing it out that way has caused a couple of things.  1, it has made me quite hungry.  2, it has helped me realize all the great opportunities I have had to travel and gain life experiences through food.  I talk about the places and food often, but cooped up in my hospital room, I realize I've taken the opportunities for granted. 

You might look at that list and wonder how did someone that wouldn't even eat pizza acquire such a fondness for such a variety of food.  I suppose it was a slow progression.  I have no specific moment of enlightenment that I can point to.  As I think about it, there are a few things from my formative years that led to my open-mindedness later on in life. 

Growing up on a dairy farm, we had access to about any dairy product you can imagine.  I miss raw milk.  Raw milk? you ask...  I'm talking about unpasteurized whole milk, ice cold and fresh from the tank; which is pretty much fresh from the cow.  The kind of milk that when you get it from the fridge, the cream may have separated and you need to stir it up.  I salivate at the thought of it, others seem slightly disgusted when I share this memory. 

Asparagus is probably my favorite green vegetable even as a kid.  It grows wild in a few secret locations around home and was a frequent accompaniment to about every meal when it was the right time to pick it.  It was always disappointing when it would go to seed before we would check it.  I'll credit asparagus for why I enjoy salads and vegetables as much as I do.

I suppose a lot of my later-in-life open-mindedness came out of mandated politeness during my picky years.  Mom and Dad, especially Dad, as I recall, would always stress the need to be polite and eat whatever food we were given when visiting people.   For some reason, I recall this being a point that we didn't dare argue with.  There were plenty of times this was tested, but one event stands out. 

There had been a significant wind storm in Huron.  Dad & I (probably about 10 -12 years old) stopped to visit his Uncle Art and Aunt Hazel.  They had a lot of tree damage so we started cleaning things up.  Maybe Dad can remind me what Aunt Hazel put together for lunch that day, I don't recall.  I do recall that my politeness was tested that day.  Different generations look at meals differently I suppose.  I think it involved some kind of canned meat.  Perhaps, today I'd think differently.  At the time, I barely survived.  I was also a little doubtful come desert time.  Aunt Hazel's dessert, however proved to be quite tasty.  It was real simple: graham crackers, canned peaches (homemade) with whipped cream (or was it cool whip).  So simple and so good... 

Then there is the story of hotdogs in my pancakes...  We would often have pancakes, waffles or french toast for breakfast.  There is nothing particularly special about that.  However, Mom would occasionally put sliced hotdogs in the pancake batter.  I really enjoy hotdogs in my pancakes.  I suppose I grew up assuming every young child had hot dogs in their pancakes.  One particular day in college, I wanted pancakes.  More specifically I wanted hotdogs in my pancakes. I set to cooking breakfast for my roommates and I.

I know that my roommate Dave ("Tex") didn't care for hotdogs.  In a prior life he had worked in some kind of meat packing job and I suppose when you actually have witnessed what is in a hot dog, you wouldn't want to eat them either.  I cooked up quite a pile of both plain and "special" pancakes.  Tex wandered in and grabbed a stack of pancakes.  I suppose I didn't notice or assumed he'd see the difference.  About 30 seconds later I see him basically sprint back to the kitchen, white as a ghost, and proceed to dump the entire stack of pancakes I had cooked into the garbage.  He had inadvertently grabbed my special pancakes and was not impressed.  I recall being upset that most of my pancakes where gone.  Tex was at a loss for why anyone would put hotdogs in their pancakes. 

Regardless of how it happened, I am glad my pallet has broadened to the to point where I am willing try about anything.  I think we risk missing out on so may of life's experiences if we are afraid of having a bad experience.  I've come across far more things I enjoy then those I don't and I regardless if it was good or bad I am always left with a good story to tell. 


Sunday, November 18, 2012

AML: Mental health & Antidepressants

So back to AML and healthcare for a post or two. 

Here I am on my 10th round of Chemo.  I'll be out of the hospital in less then a week which has a way of brightening anyone's outlook.

I few weeks ago I posted about my October and in general how bleak things seemed at the time.  The facts around my situation really have not changed.  I don't have a lot of options for treatment.  A cure is far less likely, but isn't out of the cards.  As it stands now, I await the results of the bone marrow biopsy I had on Friday.  I expect it to indicate remission.  From there I probably go back to Mayo for a consult.  I laid out what I know now about my options in a prior post.

Through all these round of chemo.  The doctor would typically put me on a low dose of some kind of antidepressant (Ex: Remeron).  I don't like the idea of medicating ones mood, but he'd typically dismiss it or justify it to me as useful for some of the other affects like increasing my appetite or helping me sleep.  I trust my doctors, so that was generally good enough for me. 

It's no secret now that I have taken this relapse much harder and I admit to being depressed and withdrawn.  The nurses that know me well were concerned and I suppose I was a bit sensitive when they would bring it up.  After all, why wouldn't I be depressed.  I generally feel that it's justified and anyone facing the same situation would probably be reacting the same way. 

I thought I was putting a pretty good happy face on when people came to visit.  It's done so much for me this time that I have had so many visitors.  I wish we hadn't scared so many people away in prior rounds for fear of making me sick.  Having visitors far outweighs the risk of infection.   Looking back now I guess I didn't put on a very effective front those first few weeks. 

My post where I vented and put all my frustrations out there has resulted in so may positive things.  An answer to prayers perhaps.  I'd like to think my outlook\mood has improved just as a natural progression of being angry about those thing and then accepting the situation.  I honestly think that has much to do with the improvement in my mood. 

However, in talking to a variety of my caregivers from my case managers, nurses, doctor and even Keith, the mental health guy I was giving a hard time before, I came to accept that perhaps giving some of the antidepressants a try was not a bad thing. So a while back I relented and let them provide me with a bit of a stronger treatment.  I have been taking Lexapro for over a week now.  

It's one of those scenarios where I can't say whether it's the drugs, the fact that I've accepted things or maybe just knowing I will be out of here shortly.  I will admit, reluctantly, that the antidepressants are probably doing a pretty good job.  People visiting have commented on my improved mood.  My caregivers here are happy with the marked improvement.  I suppose most can see it in the tone of my posts. 

I still have my same issues with medicating someone's mood.  I still think it strange that antidepressant drugs can have a side effect of having "unusual thoughts of hurting yourself or others".  (definitely not in my case).     Are there" usual thoughts of hurting your thoughts or others"? 

If there are others going through a similar experience who have the same reservation about these kinds of meds, I guess I'd recommend giving the drugs a try. Especially if things have progressed to a particularly rough spot. I would have requested that we stop them had I not liked or been comfortable with the way I felt.  I like to think I know myself well enough to know if they were causing problems. 

I am feeling better, more optimistic and upbeat about things.  So, whatever the cause, I am thankful.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

AML: Round 10 - Movement finally

After 3.5 weeks in the hospital (22 days after  I started chemo) I am finally seeing improvement in my numbers.  Platelets are coming up on their own slightly and my ANC is now 34.   Still quite low but a good start.   I won't blog my numbers each day, but check out the tweets section of my blog off to the right.  I will put the counts there if people are interested. 

As long as I don't get surprised with infections,  I will for sure be out for Thanksgiving. 

Looking Back: Harney Peak (i.e. The sister chimes in)

So, in response to my last post, I received an email from my sister.  One thing I should explain is that it is well known in my family that she is the favorite child.  In fact, my parents actually have a family totem pole at home that shows the standing of each of the family members.  Over the last 34 years, I have come to accept my perpetual location at\near the bottom.  

Jessica and her family (Brent, Mickey, Ava) have been hugely supportive during all my treatments.  My nieces are dear to me.  I am uncle Scooby to my little Mickey.  The problem is Jessica tends to confuse the facts as she remembers things (she's blond and 3 years younger).  It's bad enough on recent things, but bordering on ridiculous for things that happened more then 5 years ago. 

She passed along this story, which is a good one and I wanted to share.  It will be necessary for me to offer editorial comments though so that the true story is conveyed.  I included the story as she wrote it, but added my comments in bold, italics.

From Jessica:

I love that your sharing family stories, but I feel like you’re giving the director’s cut. (Jon:  Here we go...) Perhaps little sis needs to provide some perspective? I’ll have lots of stories to share, but here’s one to start. I know mom’s saving stuff like this for a book, so I’ll write it in that way.
  
There’s one memory with you that I will NEVER forget. It is the time we all hiked Harney Peak. I bet I wasn’t more than 11 or 12 and like every summer around that time, we were in the Black Hills for a family reunion.  Jon and Curt, our distant cousin who was Jon’s age, had been in the Hills for an FFA camp so Curt was with us. (Jon:  It was a "FFA Leadership" camp.  Even at a young age they knew we were great leaders... which has bearing on the rest of this story.)
 
Mom, Dad and the Aunts and Uncles decided that would be a good year for us to climb Harney Peak. I don’t know what possessed them to let teenage boys head off ahead of the group. I’m guessing they thought they’d stay on the path. I’m also guessing that when I’m a parent of teenagers, I’ll understand better the rationale that makes you more than willing to let your teenagers get out of your hair for a bit. (Jon:  Note the tone here.  The slight bitterness; the contempt.  Truth is we were quite trustworthy and responsible young men which is evidenced by our parents letting us take the lead on our own. Furthermore, Curt, Jeremy and I had hiked Harney peak before at other church camps.)
 
I remember the hike up being long, hot and tiring. The view from the top was nice and the watchtower was really neat, but I’d probably appreciate it more now than I did then. “Ooh look, trees! And you can see for miles!” Well guess what, I was from the prairie. You could see for miles and miles right out my window. (Jon: Note the tone again. The lack of wonder in the world God has created for us.  I have probably been up Harney peak 3-4 times.  It's well worth it.)
 
When the rest of the family finally reached the top, the boys were waiting for us and bragging (Jon: We were proud of our achievement.) about how fast they were able to get up the mountain. I thought, if they can get me down this hill that fast, I’m in! We all begged our parents to let us go back down the mountain with Jon and Curt. (Jon:  Note, we didn't ask them to tag along on the return journey.  They elected to join us)
 
Our group of about 6 or 7 kids (probably about 9-16 years old) headed off down Harney Peak under the leadership of a few teenage boys. Again I wonder why our parents allowed this, but looking back, I’m sure our parents hike up was even less enjoyable than mine. After all, they were hauling complaining kids after them. Maybe they thought this would be a life lesson for us. My parents loved those. (Jon: Having not been part of their hike up, I was never aware of this.  I understand now why our parents insisted the little kids go on ahead with us trustworthy boys)
 
The guys were brilliant enough to know a short cut that would save us lots of walking and time. (Jon: We never promised a shorter trip, our desire was to take a lesser traveled path to see something different.  To have an adventure) As a kid, I lacked the perspective I have now that would make anyone reading this think that was a terrible idea. Of course we got lost (Jon:  No we didn't), probably instantly although I don’t think the guys admitted it to us younger kids until quite a while later. I’m sure we were never very far from the path or civilization, but in my childhood memory, we were miles and miles from anyone.   (Jon: At least she admits here her childhood memory is flawed.  By her own words here she admits her perspective is flawed\inaccurate. Here is the real story.  Our intent was certainly that this other path was a shortcut.  We tracked landmarks along the way.  At one point the path we were on did disappear.  We searched for another path for a bit, finding none, we retraced our steps using the landmarks we had observed.  Ex: A strange set of fallen trees, a unique rock formation and so on. Now at this point, the uninvited little ones were well into their whining as Jessica noted in her comments.  We ended up back where our trail started, but it put us behind our parents.) 
 
Our parents had reached the bottom of Harney Peak and we were nowhere in site. As I age, I become more and more like my Mom. I can imagine that she was probably thinking through all sorts of scenarios in her head as she waited. “I hope they’re alright. Just exactly how long do we wait before notifying someone that the kids are missing. Do I kill them or hug them when I finally see them?” (Jon:  Jessica has this part correct.  Our parents were expecting us to get there before them.  But I am sure, they also thought "Jon and Curt are there.  Everyone will be fine.  However, Mom and Dad never exhibited the homicidal "Do I kill them?" tendencies that Jessica just admitted she has.)
 
Meanwhile back on the mountain, things were deteriorating fast. Our pack of children was cranky, exhausted and hungry. A few of the younger cousins didn’t want to keep walking. I remember the look on Jon’s face. It was a look of, “Are you kidding me?” Teenage boys are not known for their patience. Jon (and Curt, who was much stronger then skinny me) picked up the younger cousin and gave him a piggy back ride in order for us all to keep moving. I often wonder if anyone higher up the mountain looked down and saw us kids wandering around the hillside.  (Jon:  Also, knowing our parents would be worried and since we were slowed down by the little ones, we sent someone ahead.  I think it was Jeremy, but I am not sure. to let everyone know we were ok.)   
 
We finally wandered our way back into the parking lot where the parents were waiting a few hours overdue. (Jon: Major exaggeration here 45 min tops when the person who ran ahead arrived.  The rest of us took a bit longer having to carry everyone down the mountain.) I can’t really remember the reaction from the parents. I am betting Jon does. (Jon:  They were relieved.  No one got in trouble, and I think they were also happy they didn't have to deal with the whiny little ones the whole time.  After all they got to enjoy beautiful Sylvan lake (pictured) in the absence of Jessica and her cranky pack of little cousins. Remember... her words not mine)  I’m sure they weren’t happy, but all I can remember was relief. I think there’s a picture somewhere of all of us kids sprawled out on the ground, absolutely exhausted.
 
The trips to the hills were a regular thing for many years after that. I don’t recall anyone suggesting that we revisit Harney Peak again.  (Jon:  There has been plenty of hiking through different parts of the hills since then.  In fact, we'd all like to have returned to Harney Peak, but due to Jessica being against it, and her higher standing in the family, we have not.)
 
Jon:  I am glad Jessica shared this story.  She often tells this one in this way, though it occasionally get more dramatic.  It's one of the few where she can spin it in an effort to make me look less awesome then I am.  At least now it is out there, with the proper details so everyone can understand how it really went down.  She has told it so many times I bet she even has Mom and Dad remembering it more like the way she tells it.  I accept my position in the family.  I know my parents and even my sister loves me, but we all get along so well because we are totally clear as to the pecking order.  Consider:  I had to have 4 kids (i.e 4 grandkids for Mom and Dad) just to increase my standing for a little bit.  And that barely got me above Dad's cats. 

Friday, November 16, 2012

Looking Back: Growing up with dirty hands (Updated)

Updated:  New comments at the end...

Today's post is going to be one of those where I look back to my experiences growing up and how that has influenced me.

I grew up on a small farm in eastern South Dakota.  I don't have any stories of traumatic experiences or a rough childhood that has influenced my later years.  Quite the opposite really.  I have loving parents who love each other.  My grandparents (Dad's side) lived on the same farm which essentially doubled the people raising my sister and I and gave us another set of incredible role models. 

Like most rural kids, it was natural to start helping with chores and working on the farm at a young age.  My parents operated a dairy farm, so many of my earliest "chore" memories were of mixing up powdered milk to feed bottle and bucket calves.  I recall having to walk the pasture to round up the cows for milking (pre ATVs) and generally just being around Mom and Dad as they were going about the chores each day.  As we got bigger, we helped out more. 

I was 12 and just to the point where I could actually do the milking myself when my parents decided to get out of the dairy business.  Why?  They tell me it just wasn't worth it any more.  They had the option of continuing to be tied to the dairy cattle day in and day out or let it go so they could be more involved with my sister and I in school activities and family outings like camping\fishing and whatnot.  I am thankful they went the direction they did. 

The operation now is mainly beef cattle and row crops (corn & soybeans).  I recall growing oats, barley, wheat, millet, buckwheat, sunflowers, sorghum (field and grain) and even popcorn at various times.  The cattle part of the operation is much bigger now then when I was on the farm.  I don't think that Mom and Dad ever imagined how much it would grow.  In addition to cattle, we raised pigs for a time.  I was really little but I even remember turkey's we had on the farm for a while.  I suppose they stand out because if you think about it, turkeys really are among the most intimidating (evil?) of poultry, especially from a young child's perspective. 

Job's I enjoyed:  Cutting hay, working/herding cattle, farrowing pigs, harvesting (combining and driving truck), calving, spring fieldwork, welding\repair work

Jobs I disliked:   grinding feed, baling hay, working pigs, fencing, cleaning grain bins

Jobs I despised:  Cultivating,  hauling bales, cleaning hog barns, hauling manure

Considering the many years of growing up on the farm there really are a ton of stories to tell.  I'll offer a few that stand out. 

Jessica and I often got the "little person" jobs.  That is jobs that required a small body.  For example, in springtime when it was necessary to prep the drill (small grain planter), Dad would have us crawl into the planter with a screwdriver and the shop vac to clean out the old grain.  Picture the bonding between a brother and sister (3 years younger) shared from the inside of a piece of farm machinery.  I recall on a few occasions when we were still milking that we'd be lowered into the empty bulk tank to scrub it down when required.  The smell of bleach makes me think of that to this day.  As I got older and capable, there was the occasional machine repair or welding job that needed to be done by crawling up inside whatever it was,  That's where my tall, skinny self came in handy.  It's also where I learned that the human body is a fairly decent conductor when welding from the grain pan\straw walker area of an International combine.   


Things seem to be much better for Dad now in regards to the dependability of the equipment we have on the farm.  But I recall an awful lot of breakdowns with what we had back when I was there.  I recall one year where I had to combine much of the corn with an International 715 combine without a clutch.  Basically what that means is I couldn't really stop the combine.  When it came time to unload, I had to rollup by the truck, time it just right and turn off the combine.  I could then take it out of gear and unload.  I'm not entirely sure this was ever fixed.  I think the combine is sitting there in the same condition with the line of other "retired" equipment. 

Springtime was always entertaining on wetter years.  I recall having a talent for getting tractors stuck when doing the spring fieldwork.  I recall one specific incident where I wasn't paying attention and I turned into a slough with standing water and totally buried the tractor.  Luckily Dad happened to be working the same field and had the opportunity to see this go down (literally).  As we drove to Carpenter to get extra chains, I distinctly remember that he was quite confident that we'd not be able to get it out until the slough actually dried up.  I recall it being difficult, but we did manage to get it out that day.

For some inexplicable reason I enjoyed doing square bales (straw, not alfalfa) in the fall.  Specifically haling and stacking them.  Maybe because it was they were like really big Legos.  It was also an opportunity to work for some other area farmers and earn a little cash.

I could go on and on and I probably will some other time.  There is another significant experience I want to mention as it has had a big impact on me.  The summer after my senior year, I needed cash.  After all I was going to be off to college soon and I needed a car.  So, even though I am sure he needed the help, Dad let me go to work for Tellinghuisen Construction (from Willow Lake).  I am of the opinion that everyone should spend some point in their life doing some type of construction.  Wayne was an intimidating boss, especially for a shy farm kid who never had a boss before.  I learned so much from Wayne and that group of guys that summer.  I have carried that forward and it has served me well.   It's also where I learned how good a cold beer was after a long hot day in the sun. 

Here we are, another long post.  Hopefully there has been some interesting things and people have made it this far.  Farming takes a special type of person.  Many that read this are from rural areas and know what it's all about and have similar stories to mine.  It's changed so much since I've grown up and left the farm.  I think about my kids and realize they will have a whole different perspective and set of experiences growing up.

At some point, Mom had to start working off the farm.  It's hard to sustain a family on a small farm income.  Like most family farms, there were a lot of tough years when it was either too wet or too dry.  Interest rates were too high and prices too low.  I can go on and on with stories, but I can't tell you of a single time where I was lacking anything I needed.  I know now just how tough some of those years really were, but my sister and I never knew.

They probably don't realize it, but I am constantly inspired by how hard my parents have worked to built the operation that they have.  I am my fathers son.  We are stubborn and set in the way we do things.  It's been that way all the way back when I thought I knew everything. (as opposed to now when I actually do)  I look back now and realize the frustrations Dad must have had trying to manage the work with a stubborn teenager.  I remember an awful lot of fights and arguments and what I can only call now is a significant amount of patience.  Patience is not a word often associated with a male member of Grann descent, Yet... there it was when it was needed.

Here we are now.  I am able to appreciate what growing up with dirty hands has done for me.  I know the what a hard days work is.  I know what it means to make your living using your body as well as your mind and the value of both.  I know what wealth truly is.  A farm teaches you early about the cycle of life and death.  You get to know the pride of creating something with your hands and the stress of things being totally out of control. 

As bad as I wanted to get out of there at the time; as sure as I was that the farming life wasn't for me; all I want now for my family and I is to go back home.  Had I not gotten sick, Andy and I would have probably returned to the farm by now.  I want for my kids what my parents provided for me.  I feel that there is no better place to raise kids then a on family farm the way I was raised.   Even though we've mentioned it to my parents, I don't think they ever took us seriously.

Maybe it's my damaged DNA talking, but I miss my dirty hands.

UPDATE:  In response to this post, my sister (Jessica) had to chime in.  This is, of course because of her ongoing need to refocus attention on her, but that is a whole different post.  It actually probably warrants its own blog.  Regardless,  here were her comments:

Jessica:  Here’s a picture for you (the drill picture above). I have fantastic boots and a shirt that is in no way too small for me. I can see why you were so jealous of me growing up.
 
Jon, do you remember cleaning the old chicken coop out. That was the WORST job I remember ever having to do and there were lots of terrible ones (cleaning pig gutters???). Or how about cleaning the granary in the white fence lot when the mouse ran up your pant leg. Cleaning those old wooden granaries was horrible, but the moment that mouse climbed your pant leg was priceless. It made my day. You were, after all, a terrific pain in my butt growing up.
 
 



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Family & Friends: Golfing

By no means am I a great golfer.  I just don't get out enough.  I do enjoy playing though. 

Back in high school we'd tend to golf in Clark.  It is still a favorite course since it's wide open and an easy play.  For a quick round I really like Keuhn Park in Sioux Falls.  I've had a lot of fun in Brandon and had my butt kicked by the Dell Rapids course.  

This summer when I was in Rochester I was just itching to get out and play.  I imagine it was mainly just to be outside and active after being cooped up.  I still had my Hickman port in my chest and the doctors cautioned against going golfing since it could pull the line out.  Regardless I got out a few times with no issues. 

I think the high point of my outings this summer was golfing with Ira (Andy's Dad) and several of his friends in Brandon.  It was the first time I had done 18 holes since the transplant and I was quite pleased that I was able to keep up with them.  Sure I golfed an even 100, but I was quite satisfied with myself.  It was the best round I put together this summer. 


 I'll remember this summer of golf because Alivia and Nevaeh showed interest in playing golf.  I picked up a few odd clubs that fit their size a little better.  Nevaeh picked up hitting a little quicker, but once Alivia got the hang of it she was a bit more consistent.    We did the driving range and they joined me on the course a few times.  I think they enjoyed driving the golf cart better.  Both girls were pretty good cart drivers. 

One of my favorite golf outings occurs every year around the Board family reunion we have in Carpenter.   A fairly large group (mostly Wicks') head up to Clark in the early morning for a quick 9 holes.  I really look forward to this outing.   I missed the golf this year but made it back for the reunion even though I was still within my 100 days of the transplant.  Hopefully I won't miss it this year.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

UPDATE: Room Change

Hey all,  just a note for those thinking of visiting me at Sanford Hospital.  My room has changed to 6201.  Same wing different room.  

Turns out I have amassed enough reward points on my hospital stays that I've been upgraded to the high roller suite.  Mini bar is open.  All are welcome. 

In other news, my doctor all but confirmed that I'd been out of here by Thanksgiving regardless of where my counts are.   Not to worry, he's a cautious guy, he would not let me go if it was overly risky. 

Lots of visitors today.  Good news...  It's a good day. 

Obamacare Part II

So prior to the election I posed a few of my thoughts about the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare).  I kind of expected to catch a little flack about it, but received a lot of positive comments instead.  Most of the people that have talked to me about it have admitted they really don't know that much about what it includes.   

I did a fair amount of research prior to writing that post.  I too was unclear of what it meant from the individual or family perspective.  So much of the info I came across was focused on how it affects businesses or what it was going to cost the country.  With all the election rhetoric there were all kinds of articles that were conflicting or just difficult to understand.  Most failed to spell things out for the individual.

So I figured since I had done some leg work and since it appears due to the election Obamacare is here to stay, I figured I'd relay what I learned.  This may be one of the articles that I update or author additional posts as I learn more.  I'm not trying to make a case for or against Obamacare.  Time will tell if the program will improve our health care system or if it will become too costly.  The law has it complexities, but my goal with this post is to relay the facts of the law as it relates to the individual or family.  

Remember from my prior post, if you have insurance through your employer this law really won't affect you much.  The laws which was passed in 2010 has all kinds of provisions that phase in parts of the law all the way through 2020.  2014 will be when the most significant changes happen, but I'll get there.

First let's get caught up.  This is what has happened so far (the items affecting the most people, there are more):
  • Expanded coverage to young adults by letting them stay on their parents insurance until they turn 26
  • Eliminated lifetime limits on insurance coverage (Yeah for me)
  • Lowered cost of drugs for seniors on Medicare
  • Specified that insurance companies must spend 80% of premiums on health care and the remaining 20% for administration and profit.  This lead to $1.1 billion in rebates to consumers. 
  • Expanded free preventive care for all ages (Ex: mammograms, colonoscopies, wellness visits, immunizations)
In 2013 (High income earners start paying for some of this):
  • Individuals with an income over $200,000 or married couples over $250,000 have to pay an extra .9% extra tax on income above the threshold.  Ex:  someone that makes $210K pays an extra $90.
  • 3.8% tax on investment income but only if your adjusted gross income is $200K (individual) or $250K (couple).  This is only on investment (i.e unearned) income.  So someone that makes $50,000 per year on investment income where their total income is $250K would pay and extra $1900. 
  • There is also some goofy 3.8% tax hike when you sell your home but only if you make a profit of $250,000 (individual) or $500,000 (married couple).  This is only on the profit, not the sales price.  The 3.8%  is only paid on the amount of profit over $250K/$500K.  most "middle income" Americans would not run into this.  
  • We'll start seeing the total cost of our health care plans (not just what we pay) on our W2's.  It's just informational. Only companies with over 250 employees need to do this. 
  •  Flexible spending accounts will be capped at $2500
2014 (The new system really begins) - Remember though, this really only affects those that are uninsured or who purchase insurance on their own.  These are the major points:
  • Heath plans must be available for everyone.  Premiums can not differ based on health or gender. Individuals cannot be denied because of pre-existing conditions.
  • Each state must setup an insurance exchange.  Essentially this would be a marketplace where consumers could easily compare and purchase plans.  States can elect to do this themselves or let the federal government operate them.  Now, I think that it would be best for states to manage these exchanges for their own people.  States have until Nov 16th to tell the federal government which direction they will chose to go.  I feel somewhat uncomfortable that a state is going to turn this over to the federal government...in most cases, just because the governor of that state is Republican.  Wouldn't we be best served if this single most important provision was managed as close to home as possible.  Our governor has already stated that South Dakota will not be managing the exchange for South Dakotans. 
  • "The Penalty".  People without insurance will pay  $95 per individual or $285 per family, or 1% of income, whichever is greater.  By 2016 it rises $695 per individual, $2,085 per family, or 2.5% of income, whichever is greater. 
  • Individual subsidies will be offered to help people pay for insurance.  This will be based on income and what the current federal poverty level is.  For example, in 2012 a family of four with an income of $46,000 would pay no more then $235 for health insurance.  Additional subsidies will be available for lower income families to assist with deductibles and coinsurance.  The specific options someone would qualify for would be presented when shopping the exchanges. 
  • Medicaid expansion... This is another tricky one. This expansion is intended to cover millions Americans that have incomes up to 133% of the poverty line ($14856/individual or $30657/family of four) Many of these people don't currently qualify for Medicaid.  However the Supreme Court have ruled that a state can opt out of this.  The federal government is sending a significant amount of funding to the states that take the expansion, but states will have to pony up a bit more.  Once again states (predominately Republican states) are threatening to opt out of the Medicare expansion.  The problem is that the law was written so that these lower income people would qualify for Medicaid, but not subsidies.  So if a state opts out, these people with incomes between 100% to 133% of the poverty line will be stuck with no affordable healthcare option. 

2015 on....
  • There are a few other provisions that take effect but here is an interesting one. In 2017 a state can apply to opt out of many of the Obamacare reforms provided the state can come up with a better solution for managing the healthcare of consumers in the state.  The state would still receive the same federal funding, but a state can "innovate" and come up with a better solution if they can.  I actually think states can apply as early as 2014 to do this so they can come up with their own solution rather then implementing the exchanges just to change things 3 years later.  I really wish those that are calling for a repeal of Obamacare would just promote and pursue this option.  The law actually has the provision that essentially lets the states to come up with something better if they can.  Isn't that the goal anyway?

Just so people know I'm not making this stuff up, my source for much of this info has been Wikipedia and various news articles, especially a really good article in the November issue of Consumer Reports.

I realize that this whole thing is going to be expensive.  I don't have a lot of details on funding or things like that.  My intent here was to illustrate how the individual and families would be most directly affected. 

Consider, Social Security programs were quite unpopular then they were enacted, but they have served us for over 75 years.  And most people look back at FDR and consider him a great president and leader.  However at the time, many of his New Deal policies (including Social Security) were quite unpopular. As far as the economy went, things didn't really improve that much during his 3 terms in office.  Republicans love to talk about Regan, but tend to leave out he basically invented deficit spending and let that go out of control while he oversaw the largest and most expensive arms race in history.  I'd love to know if the generations then thought the system was as broken as most of us think it is now. 

I am a registered Republican.  I feel government should be smaller.  I think the recent Dodd-Frank Act which is a response to the Wall Street\Financial crisis is a gross overstepping of government powers.  Our current leaders have recklessly spent money and racked up debt that is unsustainable.  Running a country without a balanced budget should not be allowed.  I like my guns, the free market and I feel the private sector (or local governments) are better at spending money then the federal government.  Our current patent laws are dumb.

On the other hand... I am pro-life but I believe in a woman's right to chose.  Stem cell research should be allowed and research encouraged.  There should be more government funded research with all results, treatments, drugs and tech being public domain but allowed to foster private innovation.  Gay people should not be regarded differently in any way in the eyes of the government and that includes the right to marry. 

I hope I've been able to provide some useful information and insight to the world as I see it.  The interesting thing is I would have never looked this deep into Obamacare had I not been going through this fight with Cancer. 

Perhaps part of the problem may be that we're content to just say the system is broken but not educate ourselves about why.